I never quite started writing this blog regularly, back there in 2015, when people still wrote blogs.  I have been dipping my toes in and out of the keto diet for a while, and then, a year and a half ago, I kept up a sustained keto approach.  My doctor had advised me to change my diet.  My weight had been creeping up over the pandemic, not alarmingly, or really steadily, but it had nudged its way from a normal weight, for most of my adult life, of around 195, to 210 or so.  Over 200 has been alarm bell time for me.  My "good" cholesterol was also low.  And I've always been concerned about my blood pressure because my father's blood pressure was terrible.  I remember seeing some paperwork after my mother's death, which was well after his death, (he was killed by a teenage driver, who ran a stop sign, in 1984), that had his blood pressure something unbelievable, like 220/160.  He had major bypass surgery when I was in high school.

My wife got fully on board, and for the most part, for the past year and a half, we have been strictly keto.  Last November, my weight bottomed out at 158.  My blood pressure got down to something like 108/58.

But here's the thing.  I didn't quite feel well near the beginning of this year.  (I also came back from Christmas vacation weighing around 175.  I blame a cross-country trip on Amtrak, with nothing much to do but read books and eat pounds of cashews.  It's not really all about calories, it's mostly about insulin, but at a certain point, calories do matter, and there is actually a fair amount of carbohydrates in nuts if you really get going on them.)

I'm also not convinced by the arguments in keto world that "bad" cholesterol is not really bad for you.  Mine was up last fall, but not enough to really worry my doctor.

I don't know how much not feeling quite right had to do with the physical effects of the diet, and how much of the feeling was psychological.  While I have rarely been a strict vegetarian, I'm not happy about eating as much meat as I have been.  We bought half a cow last year, and we ate it in about four months.  I thought we were getting at least a year's worth of meat! There's a lot of animal suffering tied up with the keto diet, no matter how humanely the animals are raised and slaughtered.  Part of me is inclined to feel that I should take up hunting - I come from a hunting family - but I've never hunted, wouldn't know where to start, and we also bicycle most of the time rather than drive, so driving around hunting would be totally out of character for me.

There's also things I just get pissed off about.  Why can't I pop half a cup of popcorn when I'm watching a movie at the end of the day.  I like popcorn!  I also really like croissants, and those cherry danishes.

So, I've varied a little bit off the beaten keto track, keeping an eye on my blood pressure mostly, (last check 117/68), and my weight, which has not really budged from 175 since getting back from Christmas.  I have a very occasional beer. I've eaten two donuts left around the office. I have curried rice and chickpeas once a week, generally.  I eat oatmeal once or twice a week.

I feel better, whether that's physically better, or merely better in my soul is hard to tell. I would say that I am doing "intuitive eating," but that's not quite the case, and I am not a fan of the intuitive eating approach.  I do, occasionally, find myself craving a pastry.  I know if I bought a pastry and ate it, the next day I would want another pastry.  Maybe the intuitive eating folks would say take a bite or two of pastry, and if you are satisfied with that, throw the rest away.  I just don't work that way.  I do find that I can have a bowl of oatmeal on Monday and don't really want another one until Friday.  A pastry though! I think there is a dopamine hit from the sugar there.  I'm trying to branch out at this point, but stay off the slippery slopes I'm aware of.